i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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