I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
