rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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