It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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