You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
