A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
