Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
