It's like God shit irony all over that family
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
