Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
