At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
