So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
