we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
