I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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