my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
