Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize