Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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