He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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