I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
