Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
