I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
