I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize