Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm really busy with my period
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