Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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