There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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