i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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