saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
