hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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