just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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