Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
