I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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