worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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