I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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