More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
