Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
