I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
