Swine flu. Run for my life!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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