I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
