i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
