I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
