I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
