So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
