She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will be naked everywhere
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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