We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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