Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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