its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
