My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
