The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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