Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
