I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
