i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
