i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
