would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize