I CAN MOONWALK!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
