Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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