life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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