Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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