I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
