Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
