I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She's the barista slut.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
