I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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