Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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