i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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