Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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