as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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