Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
