dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
