you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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