Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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