I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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