When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
