Where did you get a picture of my penis
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
